this is just reprehensible.
i personally think celebrities getting mixed up with politics is all kinds of messed up. voters in this country are easily confused as it is, they don't need goddamn sean penn fighting crocodiles in the flooded streets of new orleans to distract them from the fact that their senator is a raving dingbat.
but michael j. fox isn't tying himself to a bridge to legalize pot, he's fighting for his life (or at least his mobility) against a terrible disease and if rush doesn't like it maybe he should cure fucking parkinson's. if he's not too busy popping viagra and dragging down the collective iq of the entire country, i mean.
man, i hope mccaskill wins and legalizes stem cell research and they cure parkinson's but the cure actually gives michael j. fox superpowers and he has to stop the evil rushzilla (he was mutated into a slobbering lizard-man by a heretofore undiscovered combination of cialis and johnnie walker green) by throwing him into the sun. twice. fucking lizards hate the sun.
Showing posts with label democrats to the rescue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label democrats to the rescue. Show all posts
9.21.2006
my semi-annual* report on election results
yes, the nights are getting cooler and the leaves are starting to change colors. pumpkins and squash are everywhere you look. as of today, it's officially my favorite season! and politicians across this great nation are amping up the rhetoric, making outlandish claims of competence and professionalism, and calling each other dirty words (hack! ideologue! liberal!) in an effort to transform themselves into the lesser of two/three/six evils.
sadly, even i get a little cynical about elections these days. especially primaries. i tried to vote on tuesday, to make sure my boy deval got the nomination for governor. the emphasis there was on tried, by the way. i went back to my old address in somerville to vote--technically illegal, as i'm a resident of cambridge now, but whatever--only to find out that the somerville elections people had me listed as an inactive voter at my prior address (which was also in somerville, but in another ward). so i asked the nice staff lady if i could just go over there and vote. she said that because i was inactive, in order to vote, i had to sign an affadavit saying that i was who i said i was and that i lived where they said i lived. wouldn't that be (even more) illegal (than what i'm doing now)? i asked. yes, she answered, way more fucking illegal. and the penalty for perjuring myself in such a way is like jail time and possible sexual trespassing. now, i'm pretty sure i can take fisty mcrapesalot in a fight, as i routinely kick the crap out of shaolin monks possessed by demons with my kung fu on the way to work. nevertheless, i didn't want to bike across town because i had homework to do and i wanted a muffin pretty badly. i'll just make sure to reregister for the general, i told her with a steely glint in my eye. i think she got the message.
anyway, voting is harder than it should be. and that's not even counting having to fight my way through the horde of republicans keeping good democrats like me away from the polls. if i didn't have the ninja skills to blend into the shadows they might have stopped me with their burning effigies and 'liberalism killed jesus' signs.
and speaking of republicans being batshit crazy...
the reactionary, torture-loving house passed a new--and wicked unconstitutional--law saying that people will need to present valid photo ids in order to vote in 08. this is to cut down on voter fraud, so that people can't claim to be other people when they vote. this is a stupid law because nobody even does that shit, and if they did, simply having to show id probably wouldn't stop them, just like it hasn't stopped billions of college kids from buying beer despite being 18. also, it's to stop illegal aliens from enacting their master plan of voting in politicians who will approve their communist amnesty idea and make them legal. this is also stupid, as most illegal aliens are goddamned terrified of being found out and that plan i just made up might as well have been drafted by pixies riding on a unicorn. it's pure fantasy, baby.
no, what this stupid law is all about is making sure that the poor and elderly--who are less likely to own cars and thus driver's licenses, and are mostly democratic voters, coincidentally--have a harder time voting. by the way, it's also unconstitutional. and stupid.
* whenever i the hell feel like it
sadly, even i get a little cynical about elections these days. especially primaries. i tried to vote on tuesday, to make sure my boy deval got the nomination for governor. the emphasis there was on tried, by the way. i went back to my old address in somerville to vote--technically illegal, as i'm a resident of cambridge now, but whatever--only to find out that the somerville elections people had me listed as an inactive voter at my prior address (which was also in somerville, but in another ward). so i asked the nice staff lady if i could just go over there and vote. she said that because i was inactive, in order to vote, i had to sign an affadavit saying that i was who i said i was and that i lived where they said i lived. wouldn't that be (even more) illegal (than what i'm doing now)? i asked. yes, she answered, way more fucking illegal. and the penalty for perjuring myself in such a way is like jail time and possible sexual trespassing. now, i'm pretty sure i can take fisty mcrapesalot in a fight, as i routinely kick the crap out of shaolin monks possessed by demons with my kung fu on the way to work. nevertheless, i didn't want to bike across town because i had homework to do and i wanted a muffin pretty badly. i'll just make sure to reregister for the general, i told her with a steely glint in my eye. i think she got the message.
anyway, voting is harder than it should be. and that's not even counting having to fight my way through the horde of republicans keeping good democrats like me away from the polls. if i didn't have the ninja skills to blend into the shadows they might have stopped me with their burning effigies and 'liberalism killed jesus' signs.
and speaking of republicans being batshit crazy...
the reactionary, torture-loving house passed a new--and wicked unconstitutional--law saying that people will need to present valid photo ids in order to vote in 08. this is to cut down on voter fraud, so that people can't claim to be other people when they vote. this is a stupid law because nobody even does that shit, and if they did, simply having to show id probably wouldn't stop them, just like it hasn't stopped billions of college kids from buying beer despite being 18. also, it's to stop illegal aliens from enacting their master plan of voting in politicians who will approve their communist amnesty idea and make them legal. this is also stupid, as most illegal aliens are goddamned terrified of being found out and that plan i just made up might as well have been drafted by pixies riding on a unicorn. it's pure fantasy, baby.
no, what this stupid law is all about is making sure that the poor and elderly--who are less likely to own cars and thus driver's licenses, and are mostly democratic voters, coincidentally--have a harder time voting. by the way, it's also unconstitutional. and stupid.
* whenever i the hell feel like it
8.02.2006
it's outrage o'clock
i know, i know. it’s completely uncool to post about politics in washington, but i’ve resisted as long as is humanly (or humanely) possible. now let me get this off my chest.
once upon a time, i--unlike many of my contemporary yippie friends--worked for the minimum wage, which was a paltry $5.15/hr at the time. it basically sucked and as soon as i could, i got a better job. being a white, upper-middle class male, this was easy for me to do. it is very, very hard for other people, mostly because they lack one or all of the traits listed above. also because the man keeps them down. anyway, that long-ago thankless toil came rushing back to me when I found out that the great state of massachusetts had overridden mitt’s veto and raised the state minimum wage. (and speaking of the mittster, he’s still a rampaging jackass)
as for the federal wage (because not all states are as cool as massachusetts, hell yeah!) it’s still only $5.15/hr. gadzooks! somebody call the fucking government, they’ll know what to do!
of course, because it’s congress, and congress is controlled by hulking soulless reptile-men (republicans!), what they did was vote down the minimum wage hike proposed by my good buddy ted kennedy earlier this summer. shortly thereafter, they voted for a congressional pay raise. the hypocrisy and gall that these men exhibit on a daily basis is simply mind-blowing. seriously, if your mind is still in one piece, go back and reread the last three sentences. i’ll wait.
see what I mean? blown like a high school quarterback on prom night. but it doesn’t end there, unfortunately. just this week, they put together a “compromise” bill that slapped a minimum wage hike together with the repeal of the estate tax. in case you’re not familiar with the estate tax, it is a tax levied on estates valued at $5 million or more (double for couples). it is a tax that only affects the super-mega wealthy. and repealing it is a republican wet dream. unfortunately for the rest of us americans, it will cost our government almost a trillion dollars (with a tr-) in revenue by 2021. that’s money that probably would go to programs to help the poor. is it any wonder that republicans want to eliminate this revenue stream? it lets them pour money on the rich and oppress the poor at the same time! praise jesus!
anyway, attaching this ass-rape of a policy to the minimum wage hike is a blatant attempt to lure dems across the aisle and make them vote to repeal the estate tax. if it works, it might just go down as the worst law of the 108th congress. i’d say ever, but i think the USA PATRIOT act still wins that one.
ok, politics over. go back about your business. there’s a post about debauchery coming up soon, i promise.
once upon a time, i--unlike many of my contemporary yippie friends--worked for the minimum wage, which was a paltry $5.15/hr at the time. it basically sucked and as soon as i could, i got a better job. being a white, upper-middle class male, this was easy for me to do. it is very, very hard for other people, mostly because they lack one or all of the traits listed above. also because the man keeps them down. anyway, that long-ago thankless toil came rushing back to me when I found out that the great state of massachusetts had overridden mitt’s veto and raised the state minimum wage. (and speaking of the mittster, he’s still a rampaging jackass)
as for the federal wage (because not all states are as cool as massachusetts, hell yeah!) it’s still only $5.15/hr. gadzooks! somebody call the fucking government, they’ll know what to do!
of course, because it’s congress, and congress is controlled by hulking soulless reptile-men (republicans!), what they did was vote down the minimum wage hike proposed by my good buddy ted kennedy earlier this summer. shortly thereafter, they voted for a congressional pay raise. the hypocrisy and gall that these men exhibit on a daily basis is simply mind-blowing. seriously, if your mind is still in one piece, go back and reread the last three sentences. i’ll wait.
see what I mean? blown like a high school quarterback on prom night. but it doesn’t end there, unfortunately. just this week, they put together a “compromise” bill that slapped a minimum wage hike together with the repeal of the estate tax. in case you’re not familiar with the estate tax, it is a tax levied on estates valued at $5 million or more (double for couples). it is a tax that only affects the super-mega wealthy. and repealing it is a republican wet dream. unfortunately for the rest of us americans, it will cost our government almost a trillion dollars (with a tr-) in revenue by 2021. that’s money that probably would go to programs to help the poor. is it any wonder that republicans want to eliminate this revenue stream? it lets them pour money on the rich and oppress the poor at the same time! praise jesus!
anyway, attaching this ass-rape of a policy to the minimum wage hike is a blatant attempt to lure dems across the aisle and make them vote to repeal the estate tax. if it works, it might just go down as the worst law of the 108th congress. i’d say ever, but i think the USA PATRIOT act still wins that one.
ok, politics over. go back about your business. there’s a post about debauchery coming up soon, i promise.
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