7.31.2006

i (don't) need a roommate (at the moment)!

anybody have any friends in the greater boston area who (might) need a room for the next year (or part of the year) (assuming i can find an apartment that requires me to have another roommate)? i (might) have a room i need to fill for $550/month plus utilities (or some completely different amount). leave a note in comments and i’ll get (purely hypothetical) details to you somehow.

it's a long story. suffice it to say that landlords are a demented subspecies of human (distantly related to the greedius ceo-us that terrorizes american boardrooms. they exist solely to wring every last cent from us tenants by raising rents, making empty promises, and doing their damnedest to stamp out all that is good and decent in this world.

my current (soon to be ex-) landlord rented my apartment out from under my roommate and i back in boston, an event i only recently heard about. now i'm scrambling from many miles away to find a replacement place that is agreeable. my roommate and our tentative third roommate are doing their best as well--resulting in yesterday's aborted lease-signing/celebration/sigh of relief--and i have no doubt we'll find something sooner or later. it's still stressful though, especially so given the fact that i don't really want to live with either of them.

my dream is to have my own place, a studio or a one-bedroom apartment, all to myself. don't get me wrong, i'm a fine roommate and i have no real complaints about the people i've lived with. i just don't want to do it anymore. i'm sick of other people's dishes, other people's friends, other people's furniture, and having to ride herd on people to pay their damn share of the cable bill. but sky-high boston rents and crippling unemployment seem to indicate that i have no real choice in the matter. keep your fingers crossed though, august is a long month, and something good might still happen.

the big mo

check it out!  the real-life version of ari from entourage thinks boycotting mad max’s ass is a grand idea!  thanks ari, with you and me in this together, there’s no telling how far we can take it.  just make sure that adrian grenier plays me in the movie.  he looks like a mensch.

taking a stand!

things i won’t do:
  • as outlined below, watch cnn ever again, due to their reporting on the coming armageddon as if it were news.  good job, guys.  as a news source, you’ve achieved the level of trust and journalistic acumen that i usually expect from x-men comics and those larouche pamphlets that the straight-edge kids hand out in harvard square.

  • you may have heard of this guy mel gibson.  way back when, he filled out a pair of tights real nicely and once he even went against his mercenary ways and helped a band of post-apocalyptic survivors fend off roving marauders.  those were the days.  now he denies the holocaust and blames the jews for making him drink and drive.  and for starting all those wars.  that were actually started by evangelical christians.  just like mel (catholic, whatever).  anyway, i’m done with this clown—no more mel gibson movies.  in fact, the first thing i’m doing when i get back to boston is microwaving my road warrior dvd!  now, that’s consumer retribution!

  • drink miller high life.  also explained below, this piss was vile even back when it was all i could afford.  now, i may be broker than ever, but my standards continue to rise (like inflation!) and at the ripe old age of 25, i can confidently proclaim that i will never force this swill down my craw again!  bring on the miller lite!

that’s it.  everything else is fair game.

7.28.2006

good move, give the crazies a megaphone

fuck! i’m never watching cnn ever again.
you hear me, time warner? never! i’m an msnbc viewer from here on out, no matter how cute anderson cooper is or how many times he has angelina jolie on his show, or how many times soledad o’brien says she thinks I’m hot. fucking forget it! you can’t put shit like this on the air!





that's just how soledad shows her love --->

there goes my screenplay idea

the someday café really is closing this time.  and sooner rather than later.  that’s kinda sad, despite what i said before.  i don’t even like mr. crêpe, and it sounds like they were steamrolled by developmentophiles and a cocksucker landlord.

not that there’s anything surprising about that.  if there’s a single landlord in boston who isn’t a cocksucker*, i’d be glad to shake his/her hand.

when i first wrote about it, i figured it would be like in empire records, and through a very watchable combination of pluck and short skirts they’d turn it all around, possibly by baking brownies or inviting scul over to shake down the fatcats or waging guerilla war on artbeat.  so much for life imitating art.  at least i can still go to diesel to play pool/get sneered at for my hopeless corporatism.

now i’m just depressed.

*quick disclaimer about cocksucking.  i’m all for it--i don’t care who you are or whose cock you’re sucking, i think it’s fan-fucking-tastic.  really, knock yourself out.  i just think it’s a completely, awesomely useful word.  james lipton, if you’re reading this, one question down, nine to go!

7.27.2006

come to dc, you'll be in bed by midnight!

i guess it’s true what they say, as long as what they say is “miller high life tastes like old paint.”  on saturday, cecilia’s brother was in town to visit and we did all the usual touristy things: walk around, go to urban outfitters, grab a cheap haircut at the hair cuttery in dupont, and last but not least, head to asylum for quarter beer night!

every week, at 5pm sharp, asylum, the vegan biker bar, fills up with the poor and the very poor and the alcoholic for a night of bargain basement debauchery.  12-oz plastic cups of high life start at just $.25 and go up $.50 every hour afterwards until they reach their market price or everybody drinks themselves blind, whichever comes first.

in my case, absolute disgust with the corn-syrupy-sweet, utterly bland taste of high life led me to instigate a revolt (ok, cecilia’s comic inability to down the stuff didn’t hurt either) and order a round of delirium tremens for the table.  and it was a damn good thing too, because after finding a chip of glass in one of them, we got all four for free!  huzzah for potential injury!

needless to say, the good beer revived our spirits immensely and when waitress andrea (wasn’t she on a reality show? we wondered.  although not me, because the only reality tv i watch is project runway, 30 days (it’s back!), and the food network.  i don’t think andrea was heidi klum in disguise…) asked out of the blue if we wanted to do some carbombs.  yes, andrea.  we do.

i barely remember stumbling down 18th st. to dupont, though i do recall landing heavily in a booth in the big hunt.  this is all around 9-ish, so the place is pretty dead.  we order a greased-out pizza and proceed to watch cecilia’s brother get more and more out-of-it.  and he’s the only one still in college!  why, back in my day, collegians could hold their liquor, damn it.  he rebounds enough to sing along with the cabby on the ride back to the hill, but when we get there we find that every fucking bar has gone and closed up by ten on a saturday!  what the fuck, dc?  isn’t getting bombed at cap lounge worth a little rain?  honestly, i’m a little ashamed for you guys.

and that’s not all we have to be ashamed about, because a few minutes later we forced the closing crew at some mexican place down on pennsylvania to let us in for one last drink.  i don’t know about you, but to me, 5 sodden, boozy twenty-somethings miserably cutching coronas in an empty, over-air-conditioned taqueria spells p-a-r-t-y!  hells yeah.  let’s just say we were happy to get home and forget it ever happened.

7.24.2006

busy, bored, bolshevik?

You are a

Social Liberal
(78% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(20% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist




Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

7.20.2006

not dead again

i'm actually busy at work, if you can believe it, and my sister came to visit today so i haven't been much on the blogging tip. running out of money here in dc, so i've been on the lookout for extra cheap happy hours and the like. heading out to the billy goat tavern for an end-of-work celebration (somebody else's, i still have two weeks left), probably worth it to drop the cashish on a good beer. who am i kidding, it's always worth it to spend on good beer!

7.14.2006

more convenient than ever

last night, cecilia and i went to see an inconvenient truth, the culmination of 40 years of work by mr. al gore, the man who “used to be the next president of the united states.”

no lie, it’s an extraordinary and powerful movie.  if you know anything at all about climate change, then you probably are familiar with the kind of information that he talks about, but the magnitude of it, and the simple, clear, and effective way that he gets it across will still leave you impressed.  no doubt about it, mr. gore looks and feels far more presidential as the narrator than he ever did on the campaign trail.  he’s a virgillian figure, leading us down an ever steepening spiral to an inescapable conclusion: climate change is real, and it has already begun.  all that we can hope to do is mute its effects.  and i’m gonna start right now.

first and foremost, as always, is getting the word out.  so, if you haven’t seen it yet, go see it this weekend, and bring a friend along.  if you have already seen it, then by all means tell everybody you know to go see it.  tell them that it doesn’t matter if you love gore or hate him, or whether you’re progressive or conservative, we all live on the same planet (unfortunately, if they’ve read that insipid crichton book, they’re probably beyond reaching).  And most importantly, tell them it’s free!

to help spread the word, two organizations have stepped up, offering—through partnerships with fandango—free tickets to anyone who signs up.

first, inconvenientchristians.org, a website run by an environmental stewardship church called recovering eden.  there’s a bunch of biblical quotes on their homepage, and when you sign up for the free tickets, they make you click one box that affirms your faith, and another that says you will come back and submit a review to them.  fair enough, but i don’t really like to encourage hypocrisy or lying even on the internets, so…

we have targetglobalwarming.org, which is the same basic thing, except it’s run by the national wildlife fund (partnered with cabela’s, a hunting/fishing/outdoors equipment store) and they don’t make you pledge a damn thing.  this is who i went through, and the process is virtually painless.  in both cases, you get a coupon code that you enter into fandango’s site after you select a showtime.  the codes are good for $20, but with the surcharges, the cost for 2 tickets in georgetown was $21.  a small price to pay, i’m sure you’ll agree.

lastly, if you’re an internet 2.0 kind of person, eric pan, a regular-joe type from santa cruz, saw the movie and set up share the truth, a sort of community clearinghouse for people to either buy tickets for strangers, find tickets offered by strangers, or put together a group of like-mminded strangers to go see it together.

there, now you have absolutely no reason at all not to see this movie.  it’s even pretty short, about an hour and forty-five minutes!  if you can’t spare that, then there’s really nothing i can do for you.  As for everybody else, pass those links on to whoever you can.  tell them to see the movie and make up their own minds.

7.12.2006

playing catch up

i just wanted to say that i’m alive and well.  it’s been a busy week, with lots of running around and whatnot.  quick updates are go!

  • i saw a hawk swoop off of a building and snatch up a pigeon right out of a fountain!  huzzah for nature!

  • i also saw chuck hagel (r)-ne give what can only be described as the foundation of his stump speech.  i can only hope that the q&a—wherein a college sophomore grilled him about his voting record and anwar—will be imitated on meet the press in two years.

  • i can chalk up another two successes in my personal proselytizing of the joy that is veronica mars.

  • i was wicked disappointed by the final of the cup.  now i get to count down the weeks until real football season begins.  time to start scouting my fantasy team…

  • i saw pirates 2 and enron: the smartest guys in the room over the weekend and was thoroughly impressed by each of them for entirely different reasons.  needless to say, my sympathies lie far more with actual pirates than with corporate ones.

  • and lastly, after a night of debauchery to be proud of on saturday—i came home wearing somebody else’s pants—i can safely say i will never drink again.  until 6pm.

7.06.2006

a paean to my liquid masters

alright, listen up coffee gods!  i did your damn dirty work for far too long to have to put up with this shit!  make the someday café into a crepe place?  you might as well make it a chipotle, asshats!

ok, ok, i don’t even like the place very much (sorry, jen).  but i do recognize that a lot people think it rocks their socks off, and that it’s not populated exclusively by anti-establishment zealots with nothing better to do than look down on me for having a real (i.e. horrible) job just for the health insurance.  after all, coffee shops cannot be (entirely) blamed for the cockbites who have nowhere else to go because they had to choose between paying rent on their apartments and rent on the practice space for their band (that is this close to being signed, dude, seriously).  there might be a few someday patrons who aren’t like that.  of course, they would never stick up for me, because they’re craven, hipster, myspace riffraff and too dependent on approval from their poorly coiffed pack leaders.  not that i’m bitter or anything.

i don’t even mind the rampant antistarbucksism.  it’s the evolution from there to antidanbecauseheworksatstarbucksism that gets my dander up.  it’s like i always say, “don’t hate the playa, hate the game!”  Asshats.



p.s. gus, i know you don’t remember me, but one time i got stoned in the basement of the toscanini’s i worked at.  it was my first day.

p.p.s. someday café, get some new goddamn couches already.

p.p.p.s. coffee gods, praise and glory be to your wonderful *cough*addictive*cough* gifts!  this loyal acolyte will have your ritual sacrifice ready no matter what you do to destroy my beloved davis square!  caffelujah!*





*until i can discover how to usurp your power and take my place among you mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

7.05.2006

forefathers be proud

happy birthday america!

the 4th of july is an odd duck of a holiday.  not so much in the reasons for its existence, but more in the way it’s celebrated.  is bbq-ing american?  sure it is, unless you count all of the other cultures—africans, arabs, asians—who beat us to it.  there’s also the pesky fact that holding raw meat over open fire may very well be the oldest form of cooking there is.  it’s so easy, a caveman could do it.  sure, they didn’t have frozen burger patties and individually wrapped cheese slices back then (it took america to individually wrap its cheese, by gum!), so i guess we can lay our claim to the experience if not the method.  but is grilling really any more american than frying things?  kfc and paula deen probably don’t think so.  we can probably call the fish-fry an authentic american experience, and it’s even appropriately summery, but i don’t think it’ll ever catch on as a 4th staple.

also, when the temperature rises, there’s a certain segment of the population (myself included) that will always reach for one specific beer—la corona!  That’s just an inviolable fact of summer.  and despite the overall (and also inviolable) blandness of the corona, i have yet to find an american lager that a) combines as well with limes and b) refreshes quite so perfectly.  sure if push came to shove, i would sell my cervezas down the river for a pint of harpoon summer, but sadly, that miracle beer hasn’t made to my little corner of the swamp that is dc.  anyway, the point is that our nation’s birthday is doomed by its own summer date to be celebrated with mexican beer. (don’t worry, america, my coronas were in celebration of their election, not your birthday!)

lastly, fireworks.  we all know blowing things up is as american as apple pie.  but the chinese invented fireworks!  and yes, i suppose if there’s one thing america does better than any other country, it’s appropriate culture and assimilate people.  all things considered though, there’s not one thing about this holiday that’s actually american (not counting mike’s supersnack)!  we even had tortilla chips (mexico again) and pretzels (dutch or german, i don’t know).

i guess what I’m trying to say is, good job america!  this holiday has actually shown me that we can thank the various immigrants we’ve had over the centuries, because i’m pretty sure that without them we’d be eating deep-fried cheetos and setting off real bombs every year.

6.29.2006

a day of reckoning

tomorrow morning, whether you like it or not, the quarterfinals of the world cup begin!  now, in my last copa post, I endorsed a few teams, based on my own deep-seated prejudices.  and, they all lost except for argentina.

sweden – lost to germany
ecuador – lost to england
mexico - lost to argentina
australia – lost to italy (which was bullshit!)
ghana – lost to brazil

i prefer to think of this less as my own failure to pick good teams, then as divine provenance for cecilia’s countrymen to, yes, go all the way!  viva argentina!  boo, deutschland!  i don’t care if you got past the whole fascist thing way before the argentines did, you’re gonna eat it come 11am.

it's my precious money

and these clowns aren't getting any of it. i got an email today that i'm sure everybody over the age of 22 is quite familiar with.

You should take pride in knowing that the ***** Class of 2003 has an impeccable reputation for setting new ***** Fund participation records each year.

say what? i should take pride? in what? i seriously can't believe these guys--they didn't do much for me when i went to college, let alone now that i'm done with them. whatever happened to that fabled alumni network? it's no wonder i'm out of touch with reality when my dear old alma mater can't even remember that they told me i couldn't graduate! thanks a million, guys! you're not getting a cent, see you in hell!

meanwhile, in far more worthwhile college news, we'll all be in debt until we die. i mean it, so let's all stop kidding ourselves. for our parents--yes, i assume everybody is my age, shut up about it--debt was something that they could actually afford to be without. and while i know a few people who manage their debt obsessively, for me it has never been realistic to be debt-free. working for starbucks (or similarly wage slaving retail outlets), you never have the opportunity to build a cushion of savings. so, when for whatever reason--flying to see your girlfriend, stolen bike--you fall just behind on your cell phone bill or don't quite have the funds to cover your expenses, you reach for that magic little rectangle of plastic. i'm not talking about shopping addiction, i'm talking about necessary--for food, shelter, and sanity--spending.

anyway, now that i'm back in school, my debt has ballooned back into the tens of thousands of dollars even as my day-to-day finances are far less precarious (thanks to loans). it's a tricky situation that can very easily fade into the background of more pressing issues.

and the truth is that the conservative movement has been working tirelessly for decades to shift the burdens of financial risk away from the government, the banks, and businesses and onto the individual. the amount of available scholarships and grants has decreased dramatically even as more people are applying to college than ever before. that means more loans, and as the above article tells us, those are getting riskier too. my mom--a former director of sallie mae--used to warn me every day about going into default. the worst thing i could do for myself, she said, pounding home not only that these loans could ruin my life, but that they sure as hell weren't going anywhere. fifteen years is pretty standard, and by then i should have mountains of new debt--car loans, maybe a mortgage, a home equity loan, a small business loan--to make my current figure look like chump change.

6.28.2006

oh hell

here i've been in washington for a month now, and i can't help but feel that i have astonishingly little to show for it. not that that's anything new, mind you. i have very little to show for all of my 25(!) years on this funktified orb i call home. sometimes (not often, i admit) it's enough to actually get me down--much like spending hours complaining about the rain and then, when the sun finally decides to shine, i am forced (by my sense of responsiblity! thanks mom.) to spend 8 hours at work and 3 at class. this 9-5 stuff is for the birds.

quick aside about class, then back to whingeing:
so, i think it's pretty clear that i am young at heart. but in my wednesday night class, i am the oldest person in the room (not counting ms. marjorie "i met alexandra pelosi once...once!" kline). also, i am the only one in grad school, where i learned how to "contribute to class discussion" and "talk out of my ass about things like tim russert's eyebrows" still, despite my prodigious verbalizin' skillz, i don't know how long i can go on carrying the damn class. speak up, undergrads! i'm not even getting a grade and i'm kicking your early-twenties asses up and down the aisles in class participation. while solving the crossword. and looking mighty fine. and composing haiku in my head.

here's one:
longest summer days
in class, a waste of beer time
maybe bratwursts too


whingeing:
that actually cheered me up quite a bit. i also realized that the creative parts of my brain are working overtime (two novel ideas in a month? unprecedented!) and what really has me down is my lack of actually getting writing done.

and i was all set to complain about having nothing to blog about except the oh-so-uninteresting life of an off-the-hill intern. i have to "work on the website" this week since our legislative agenda is on hold til after the 4th recess. and nobody told me that the newsletter deadline was monday this week (dude, i had a lecture. i can't be held responsible). also the website just got hacked by a teletubby, so there goes any hope of being productive today. i didn't get a picture of the teletubby itself (it had some good news about noo noo) but a little while later, they hacked us again. this time to endorse firefox (my favorite browser!) and decry microsoft.













if the movie hackers taught me anything, it's that every wired-in misanthrope either looks like jonny lee miller or angelina jolie and they fly through the internets on virtual skateboards. also, they're probably jerks who dress like they're on acid. so, thanks, hacker, for pointing out our vulnerability. now run along, you're probably late to algebra class.

6.26.2006

dogs and cats, living together...

we had some epic rainfall in washington this weekend, practically biblical. as much as i love a good rainstorm (and who doesn't?) it was all a bit too much. especially when i woke up to discover that the subway tunnels had flooded on the orange/blue and green/yellow lines!

i mean, what the hell? this is a city built on a swamp, in the middle of a floodplain! shouldn't they be prepared for a little rain? i'm not a big fan of riding in the rain, mostly because my tires suck and i don't have fenders, so wet pavement equals wet accident waiting to happen. but when i discovered that the damn subway had flooded i figured i had to go for it.

big mistake. it turns out the bible allusion earlier was dead on because the situation on dc's roads this morning was straight out of the end of days. a few stoplights lose power and mass anarchy descends on the nation's capitol. i genuinely (sort of) feared for my life on the morning commute.

6.23.2006

sudden death

yes, more world cup posts. for now, it's on my mind. more diverse material this weekend probably, if i can find the time between games to post.

the first round is ending even as i type this up. sixteen teams have been eliminated, including the once-proud usa. maybe being utterly embarrassed to the tune of 0-2-1 will engender a little humility on the world stage. but probably not. anyway, i'm not in this business to make predictions, just to revel in being a biased fan. i'm rooting for argentina (for cecilia), australia (for kate), ghana (go africa!), mexico (go concacaf!), sweden (vodka and blondes), and ecuador (because they're scrappy).

6.21.2006

do you have it? is it catching?

it's world cup fever (also known as soccerhea, the futbolic plague, and antibrazilitis). cases have been reported worldwide in only the past week. medical experts are at a loss as to the methodolgy of this new pathogen, but leading theories suggest it may be passed on by chanting, singing, dancing, and flag-waving in large groups. dr. gupta has been studying the effects of soccerhea since the first cases were reported in the united states in 1991, after the women's national team won their first world cup.

"we are heartened to see that even as the number of cases has increased in recent months," he told us here at the bean, "the number of fatalities has dropped to almost zero. with continued hard work, and a little luck, we can turn soccerhea from a deadly scourge to a mild, but permanent, annoyance. like herpes."

symptoms include (but are not limited to):
face-painting
sweaty palms
jersey buying
score checking
nausea (before games, during tied matches)
play-by-play addiction
hoarse voice
registering with recreational soccer team

web sites with more info:
stage 2 chart
who should i cheer for?
new york times world cup blog

6.20.2006

there's always somebody better

(or at least more established)

yes, matt yglesias at tpmcafe has distilled what i was saying last week about political blogs and the mainstream media into a far more cogent analysis (he also uses the word "technoutopianism" which is awesome). isn't he dreamy? someday yglesias, someday...

p.s. i was going to post my eloquent plea to rep. capuano about taking the moveon.org oil-free pledge, but i forgot to copy it before i sent it. stupid! still imagine a few pithy yet poignant paragraphs of persuasion and that's pretty much what it was. oh, and send one yourself, slacker.

6.16.2006

i love that dirty water

driving up to boston for the weekend, for the be-all-and-end-all of summer fun--the american beer fest! i've been to a few of these in my time (four in two years, i'm something of a lush) and they are truly spectacular events. there's nothing like walking up those stairs and being confronted with 75 or so tables stocked with coolers and kegs, piles of hops, free coasters, and everywhere you look, gallons of the country's best beers.

have a good weekend, i know i will.