happy halloween

i don't like being one of those bloggers who doesn't post very often. i figure if i can't do every other day, why am i even in this business (besides the women and the adulation of my peers, i mean)? anyway, it turns out i can't. not now anyway. with midterms over, and nanowrimo starting tomorrow (and tons of other shit that's even less interesting), i'm pretty sure this space is going to be seriously on the back burner for a while. i guess i'll see if i can keep up with it, but i'm not making any promises.

maybe check back once a week, ok? i'll try my best to make it worth your while (with funny pictures, maybe). word, have an awesome holiday (i'm wearing a sexy dress), wish me luck with the book, and i'll see y'all on the other side (december? after finals? when i finally have something interesting to say? who knows?)!

nanowrimo, take five-ish

it's that magical time of year again, when my eyes are too big for my...talent, i guess. november equals national novel writing month, which for me usually equals grandiose ambitions followed by very little in the way of follow-through. the idea is to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

i've been trying since my junior year of college, and the best i ever did was 10,000 (actually 9,874--huzzah for rounding!) and that was two years ago. last year, being back in school, i was quickly distracted by things like papers and other unimportant things (thanksgiving? whatever). but not this time! no sir, i have a secret weapon this year, and it's called: cheating.

that's right. this summer, i started writing a story and got about half of a notebook into it before school started again and robbed me of my mojo/free time/will to live. so, since i still have all that other junk to do this november (trip to see cecilia, turkeyday, homework, real work, trivia night, etc.), i've decided that it's not really unethical to use a story i've already started. since i have to type it anyway, it's practically like writing it (take that, ethics!). anyway, shut up, it's my story and my month!

p.s. write your own novel! go to the website and check it out. the more the merrier!

sweet jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!

this is just reprehensible.

i personally think celebrities getting mixed up with politics is all kinds of messed up. voters in this country are easily confused as it is, they don't need goddamn sean penn fighting crocodiles in the flooded streets of new orleans to distract them from the fact that their senator is a raving dingbat.

but michael j. fox isn't tying himself to a bridge to legalize pot, he's fighting for his life (or at least his mobility) against a terrible disease and if rush doesn't like it maybe he should cure fucking parkinson's. if he's not too busy popping viagra and dragging down the collective iq of the entire country, i mean.

man, i hope mccaskill wins and legalizes stem cell research and they cure parkinson's but the cure actually gives michael j. fox superpowers and he has to stop the evil rushzilla (he was mutated into a slobbering lizard-man by a heretofore undiscovered combination of cialis and johnnie walker green) by throwing him into the sun. twice. fucking lizards hate the sun.

so much for that whole 'indie god' thing

heard regina spektor on vmars tonight. found the song ("fidelity" i would link it, but there are laws. also, buy it, cheap-o!) on los internets. it is awesome, she is awesome (also, she's apparently some sort of twee pixie/wet dream on a piano), and while i am still pretty ok in most people's view, i've turned in my street cred and cursed the name of time warner-aol for a second time. all of the cool kids knew about her ages ago, and i am appropriately humbled. thank you veronica mars, for opening up my eyes (ears)!

master of mixology

no, not booze for once (though i'm pretty unstoppable with that too; see: green crush). music actually. to me, crafting mixtapes (or ipod playlists, if you're into that whole thing) is like the fine art of collage. or scrapbooking. or fanfiction. it's all about rearranging other people's hard work into kick-ass arrangements that say something about you, not those sell-outs who actually produced the stuff.

i like to make mixes that fit my attitude towards my own life. one of the downsides of this approach is that they don't always stay relevant since, well, things change. still, if the mix really works, it should come together to form a solid, delicious whole that is more than the sum of its parts (not unlike jell-o), and the timeliness issue shouldn't be a problem. that being said, some songs really (really) don't age well, and it can be hard to figure out if "jenny was a friend of mine" is still going to be rock-tacular when i'm an adult (p.s. i'm not yet).

so, if you're like me (you're probably not) and you love a good cliche (you probably don't), then you think making a mix cd/playlist/tape for your significant whatever is good old fashioned fun (and you probably already left my blog). for reals though: it's mostly personal, it takes a not-insignificant amount of time, and it can--if done properly--give her important relationship information. what info you provide, however, depends on the mix. you can tell her about yourself, your influences and tastes, what you're listening to at the moment, or what songs you want to have sex to the next time she's in town. on the other hand, you can show her that you've been paying attention every time she says she loves a song (to really step it up, find other songs by the same band, or similar bands. but oh man, stay away from covers), or that you remember what songs she played during sex the last time. or you can do themes. they're kind of cheesy, but as in most things, the line between romance and cheese is a very fine one. and it takes practice to stay on the right side of it.

caveat mixtor: you can very easily ruin a song you love by putting in a mix for a girl who dumps your cheesy ass. especially if you really dug her. shit, music is wicked evocative, that's the whole point of it, and when you go and associate it with some painful happenings, kiss it goodbye. for a while anyway. what's the getting-over-a-breakup rule? half the length of the relationship? yeah, that sounds good. don't listen to tainted music until half the length of the relationship has passed since the breakup. got it?

p.s. mixes are fun for other things too, like working out ("rump shaker," etc.) and parties ("rump shaker," etc.) and getting blazed ("the ocean," etc.)! haha, yeah right, loser. they're also awesome for a night alone with a bottle of makers' mark and singing along/dancing on the bed. not that i would know. my only playlists are titled "kicking ass" and "making it with chicks".

finally, some fucking validation

"Too cool for school: You are a certifiable indie god. You know which bands are breaking up before the rest of us simpletons have to read about it in Filter or on Pitchfork."

this just in, cnn says i kick total ass, which i guess means that my indie cred has already been sacrificed to the gaping maw of time warner-aol. nuts. maybe they'll pay me if i use my indie superpowers (goofy hair! cool t-shirts! pointless knowledge!) for the benefit of mankind. sadly, when the troglodytes at cnn are telling you you're cool, it's time to burn your closet and donate your ipod to charity (doctors without borders, not tunes!). seriously, it's worse than when your mom says it. fucking miles o'brien.

why.i.hate.we

so, six weeks ago, i started a new job, full of hope and promise and unbridled enthusiasm (as i am most every day, natch) and an eagerness to explore new aspects of retail merchandising and customer service!

so much for that. they gave us the standard retail pep talk: "a different kind of retail," "people first," "blah blah blah, i'm a giant tool." it went over about as well as you would expect. every morning there was a call and response "good morning, giant tool!" that was supposed to get us ready to sell our guts out to the obnoxious morons who came into the store. this is the kind of utter nonsense that made me nostalgic for starbucks. at least there, we all knew that the higher-ups didn't give a shit about us, but we could be sure that our manager (who was often a friend on top of being a boss) cared at least a little. not so at we. i'm not going to talk shit about him (because i don't know him that well, and trash talk is reserved for close friends), but basically he's a fantastic salesman and a piss-poor manager.

i've never made claims to being good at much (just writing, loving, and kung fu), but i don't think there's any doubt that i'd be a better manager than the douche i've been dealing with (ignore that parenthetical in the last paragraph, please). he seems to have the hiring part down pretty well--almost everybody i met there was both cool and good at their jobs. but he has no idea how to manage an effective team. there are two sides to managing: the people side and the business side, and to be a good manager you have to do both. that's not a hard concept to grasp, but time after time, i run into managers who can push profits to the limits but can't run their staffs to save their stupid miserable lives.

i know what you're thinking "dan, you're probably just a huge pain in the ass and managers don't want to deal with your bullshit!" and i'd be lying if i said i didn't think so too. but it can't be that simple, because other people say the same things about the same people (just with less profanity).

anyway, i'm quitting and going back to the bucks. at least i can afford to buy the things i sell there.

slight site changes, insights to excite!

blogger's new layout gizmo is giving me issues, so i'm calling it a night. no more 'what hits' bar, as i got the feeling it only mattered to me and was a pain in the ass to update (there was typing involved, gah). trying to give you guys a new picture to swoon over (it shows off my eyes!) and a new blogroll. the labels are awesome, and i'm having a blast with 'em. in case you couldn't tell.

by the by, did anybody hear about that nutbar down in georgia? yeah, she wants to ban harry potter books because they're too witchy! i know! the nerve of some people. not only are witches smoking hot (sabrina, samantha, tara, willow, blair witch, hermione), but they teach kids to read before they eat them. sometimes. also a few of those witches i mentioned saved the world! what have you done lately, nutbar?

oh, right, you made sure your library didn't have any spanish-language fiction so the immigrants wouldn't come in there and make it smelly and mexican. fantastic job. really, way to fucking go. i almost wish witches were real so they could eat your children and keep them from spreading your lunacy to more innocent people!

first of all, many immigrants (legal or not) are not spanish speakers at all. they're from other parts of the world that probably scare nutbar just as badly. secondly, a fair amount of illegal immigrants (the scarier kind) are fucking illiterate! and i bet they're still smarter than you! sweet fucking christ, lady. i can't decide whether to tear my hair out or curl up in a ball and weep.

p.s. the harry potter series are the most banned books of all time. as banned books week was last week, we can safely assume that nutbar is ignorant about pretty much everything yet was blessed with a deliciously ironic sense of timing.

bad blogger! do more blogging!

as someone once said: "not blogging is the new blogging." unfortunately, they said it in a blog, thus condemning the comment to a terrifying vortex of irony and cynicism that can only end in the utter destruction of the interwebs. it was nice knowing...well, joe, i guess, since i'm pretty sure nobody else reads this thing.

and if they did, my deafening silence probably dissuaded them in no time flat. in the interests of proving to...well, joe, i guess, that his time here is well spent, here are some links.

why i'm terrified
why i'm depressed (because it will probably work)
why i'm ecstatic
why i'm laughing
why i'm saving my money

there, now go do something productive.