sweet jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!

this is just reprehensible.

i personally think celebrities getting mixed up with politics is all kinds of messed up. voters in this country are easily confused as it is, they don't need goddamn sean penn fighting crocodiles in the flooded streets of new orleans to distract them from the fact that their senator is a raving dingbat.

but michael j. fox isn't tying himself to a bridge to legalize pot, he's fighting for his life (or at least his mobility) against a terrible disease and if rush doesn't like it maybe he should cure fucking parkinson's. if he's not too busy popping viagra and dragging down the collective iq of the entire country, i mean.

man, i hope mccaskill wins and legalizes stem cell research and they cure parkinson's but the cure actually gives michael j. fox superpowers and he has to stop the evil rushzilla (he was mutated into a slobbering lizard-man by a heretofore undiscovered combination of cialis and johnnie walker green) by throwing him into the sun. twice. fucking lizards hate the sun.

slight site changes, insights to excite!

blogger's new layout gizmo is giving me issues, so i'm calling it a night. no more 'what hits' bar, as i got the feeling it only mattered to me and was a pain in the ass to update (there was typing involved, gah). trying to give you guys a new picture to swoon over (it shows off my eyes!) and a new blogroll. the labels are awesome, and i'm having a blast with 'em. in case you couldn't tell.

by the by, did anybody hear about that nutbar down in georgia? yeah, she wants to ban harry potter books because they're too witchy! i know! the nerve of some people. not only are witches smoking hot (sabrina, samantha, tara, willow, blair witch, hermione), but they teach kids to read before they eat them. sometimes. also a few of those witches i mentioned saved the world! what have you done lately, nutbar?

oh, right, you made sure your library didn't have any spanish-language fiction so the immigrants wouldn't come in there and make it smelly and mexican. fantastic job. really, way to fucking go. i almost wish witches were real so they could eat your children and keep them from spreading your lunacy to more innocent people!

first of all, many immigrants (legal or not) are not spanish speakers at all. they're from other parts of the world that probably scare nutbar just as badly. secondly, a fair amount of illegal immigrants (the scarier kind) are fucking illiterate! and i bet they're still smarter than you! sweet fucking christ, lady. i can't decide whether to tear my hair out or curl up in a ball and weep.

p.s. the harry potter series are the most banned books of all time. as banned books week was last week, we can safely assume that nutbar is ignorant about pretty much everything yet was blessed with a deliciously ironic sense of timing.

the big mo

check it out!  the real-life version of ari from entourage thinks boycotting mad max’s ass is a grand idea!  thanks ari, with you and me in this together, there’s no telling how far we can take it.  just make sure that adrian grenier plays me in the movie.  he looks like a mensch.

taking a stand!

things i won’t do:

• as outlined below, watch cnn ever again, due to their reporting on the coming armageddon as if it were news.  good job, guys.  as a news source, you’ve achieved the level of trust and journalistic acumen that i usually expect from x-men comics and those larouche pamphlets that the straight-edge kids hand out in harvard square.

• you may have heard of this guy mel gibson.  way back when, he filled out a pair of tights real nicely and once he even went against his mercenary ways and helped a band of post-apocalyptic survivors fend off roving marauders.  those were the days.  now he denies the holocaust and blames the jews for making him drink and drive.  and for starting all those wars.  that were actually started by evangelical christians.  just like mel (catholic, whatever).  anyway, i’m done with this clown—no more mel gibson movies.  in fact, the first thing i’m doing when i get back to boston is microwaving my road warrior dvd!  now, that’s consumer retribution!

• drink miller high life.  also explained below, this piss was vile even back when it was all i could afford.  now, i may be broker than ever, but my standards continue to rise (like inflation!) and at the ripe old age of 25, i can confidently proclaim that i will never force this swill down my craw again!  bring on the miller lite!

that’s it.  everything else is fair game.

oh hell

here i've been in washington for a month now, and i can't help but feel that i have astonishingly little to show for it. not that that's anything new, mind you. i have very little to show for all of my 25(!) years on this funktified orb i call home. sometimes (not often, i admit) it's enough to actually get me down--much like spending hours complaining about the rain and then, when the sun finally decides to shine, i am forced (by my sense of responsiblity! thanks mom.) to spend 8 hours at work and 3 at class. this 9-5 stuff is for the birds.

quick aside about class, then back to whingeing:
so, i think it's pretty clear that i am young at heart. but in my wednesday night class, i am the oldest person in the room (not counting ms. marjorie "i met alexandra pelosi once...once!" kline). also, i am the only one in grad school, where i learned how to "contribute to class discussion" and "talk out of my ass about things like tim russert's eyebrows" still, despite my prodigious verbalizin' skillz, i don't know how long i can go on carrying the damn class. speak up, undergrads! i'm not even getting a grade and i'm kicking your early-twenties asses up and down the aisles in class participation. while solving the crossword. and looking mighty fine. and composing haiku in my head.

here's one:
longest summer days
in class, a waste of beer time
maybe bratwursts too

whingeing:
that actually cheered me up quite a bit. i also realized that the creative parts of my brain are working overtime (two novel ideas in a month? unprecedented!) and what really has me down is my lack of actually getting writing done.

and i was all set to complain about having nothing to blog about except the oh-so-uninteresting life of an off-the-hill intern. i have to "work on the website" this week since our legislative agenda is on hold til after the 4th recess. and nobody told me that the newsletter deadline was monday this week (dude, i had a lecture. i can't be held responsible). also the website just got hacked by a teletubby, so there goes any hope of being productive today. i didn't get a picture of the teletubby itself (it had some good news about noo noo) but a little while later, they hacked us again. this time to endorse firefox (my favorite browser!) and decry microsoft.













if the movie hackers taught me anything, it's that every wired-in misanthrope either looks like jonny lee miller or angelina jolie and they fly through the internets on virtual skateboards. also, they're probably jerks who dress like they're on acid. so, thanks, hacker, for pointing out our vulnerability. now run along, you're probably late to algebra class.

dogs and cats, living together...

we had some epic rainfall in washington this weekend, practically biblical. as much as i love a good rainstorm (and who doesn't?) it was all a bit too much. especially when i woke up to discover that the subway tunnels had flooded on the orange/blue and green/yellow lines!

i mean, what the hell? this is a city built on a swamp, in the middle of a floodplain! shouldn't they be prepared for a little rain? i'm not a big fan of riding in the rain, mostly because my tires suck and i don't have fenders, so wet pavement equals wet accident waiting to happen. but when i discovered that the damn subway had flooded i figured i had to go for it.

big mistake. it turns out the bible allusion earlier was dead on because the situation on dc's roads this morning was straight out of the end of days. a few stoplights lose power and mass anarchy descends on the nation's capitol. i genuinely (sort of) feared for my life on the morning commute.